The Crippling Voice that Always Goes..."Why???"
About a decade ago, when I first wanted to dip my feet in the still waters of meditation, I found myself in a pattern. The pattern went something like this - I'd sit down expecting bliss, soon after the thoughts would come rushing in, then the voices in my head would multiply and later, I would abandon meditating. This pattern played out cyclically, each cycle lasting anywhere between a week and a month depending on how determined I was to "get it right." Things did improve incrementally as my patience improved, my expectations lessened and my mind wavered less. Even then, one part of the pattern continued - the part where each voice in my head, for entirely different things, would fire and say, why me, why this, why now, why not now...why, why, why. An unshakeable little jerk of a word. Why. That comes with massive proportions of self-doubt. Why. Screaming until all else that makes sense quietens down. Why. Well, I don't need t