What One Needs to Remember about Therapy

Now that you're here reading this piece, I am going to ask you a question. Did you hear the word "therapy" first or did you hear the word "healing"? Speaking for myself, I heard of "therapy" long before I heard of "healing". The context was of course far removed from how I mostly use the word now - a young neighbour had broken one arm and then another, after which people said he needed "therapy". I was about six at the time, hearing just another word floating around. 

Fast forward to almost twenty years later and I was faced with a young woman with enough issues of her own, desperately wanting a "shift" to happen. Me, Myself. Caught up in familiar turbulent patterns, unable to stop the self-sabotage. It was at this time that I began to make sense of the word "healing" - given the way my life was going, having begun to read literature on mind-body connections. Eventually, "therapy" returned, a word here, a word there and finally as my therapist with whom I have extensively worked, through various issues. 

Apart from the fact that these two words are connected etymologically, the Greek word "therapiea" actually meaning "healing", my intention to look at them together has a different purpose too. It is perhaps to bring to light the common misconception that "therapy" is equivalent to "fixing". That you seek out a therapist and your problems magically disappear and life falls into a place of perfection. I am writing this piece not only to challenge that notion but also to focus on why "therapy" is more "healing" than "fixing". 

THERAPY IS PARTICIPATION

Nathaniel Branden, the Canadian-American psychotherapist who is most noted for his work in self-esteem has said, "It is painful to face the self we know we have not had the integrity to honour and assert." One can imagine that points at the reality of a certain unacknowledged fear around therapy, which can either result in an unwillingness to look within or build a defense that says "this is for others". Look around and you'll know the phobia around therapy is so strong that people forget that the power is in their own hands. Right from the power to acknowledge that they might need support to the power of walking into a therapist's room. 

THERAPY IS EXPLORATION

One needs to have only some amount of life experience to know that the human condition is a complex one. From birth through different stages of growth, a being is engulfed in various experiences, all of which are bound to leave imprints on the psyche. If you happen to be considering going in for therapy, whether involving talk or arts or a bit of both, know that it is a space for exploration. The one hour session is means for anyone to look at a part of their lives, one that so far has perhaps not received enough attention. It can be big or small, a remnant of the past or an anxiety associated to the future. 

THERAPY IS RECONDITIONING

The word "conditioning" is used freely these days, across the board. Come to think about it, there's no life without conditioning. The kind of circumstances you grew up in, the behaviour you exhibited and were met with, the fact that you either felt like an introvert or an extrovert. It all has a bearing on us, whether we like it or not. It is also important to remember that it is sometimes because of our conditioning that we survive, which means that not all of it is bad. However, life presents us with all kinds of eventualities and a fixed set of conditioning does not always help us cope in healthy ways. And this is where therapy comes into the picture. To make way for the meeting between the current person you are, events that may have unfolded years ago as well as dreams and fantasies you might have secretly wanted to nurture into manifestation, all along. Therapy gives you a bag full of tools to look at your life as a witness, while living it like an artist. 

THERAPY IS ACCEPTANCE

You may have heard of that famous saying, "If you can't accept it, change it or walk away." It is amazing in theory and holds good in some contexts in practice as well. When it comes to therapy though, the idea is to work towards acceptance of your life narratives, because, let's face it, you can't change what has happened to you so far. However, if you do choose to actively make some changes to those stories, acceptance is perhaps that place you'd want to start with. It enables you to come to life with a sense of surrender towards all that you've found disagreeable and disappointing. In essence, a place of groundedness that can eventually lead you to where you want to go.

I could go on and on about what therapy is, but what it surely is not is "fixing". For it comes from the belief that you're already whole in who you are and that a greater amount of awareness can only strengthen this truth.